Sometimes Dead is Better
by ADisgraceFF
Summary: Castiel can't cope with grief and takes some extraordinary steps to make things right. Pet Sematary AU


When Castiel was young his father told him a story that he didn't believe. In the woods, past where the neighbourhood children bury their dead pets, there's a hidden burial ground. The local legend goes that anyone buried there doesn't stay dead for long. Castiel didn't believe it of course, not until grief got the better of him.

* * *

Demon is eleven years old when Castiel first notices how slow the dog's gotten. He barely runs around when he goes to the park and he no longer runs to the door when Castiel arrives home. He sleeps all day and only picks at his food.

Cancer. Just as much a scourge on animals as it is on humans. By the time it's caught, it's too late to do anything about it, the most the vets can do is make him comfortable for now and put him down when his suffering becomes too great.

Put him down? Castiel's knees almost buckle beneath him, right there in the veterinary clinic. He could never do that, never. He wants to take care of Demon 'til the very end, savouring every moment with him, not cutting them short.

But it's a painful journey, dying. Breathing becomes harder and staying awake becomes a challenge. Life doesn't seem long enough and yet death can't come quick enough. The suffering is too great; Castiel has to put him down.

He's there with him in the vet's, holding him until the very end, until the last exhale is met with no more air. The vet gives him a minute alone, a chance for tears and goodbyes. Castiel doesn't cry though, there's no time for that.

He grabs the corners of the gurney sheet and wraps it around Demon. He reaches beneath the dog, struggling under the dead weight. He kicks open the clinic door with his left foot, hurrying into the waiting room where a woman waiting with her St. Bernard stares but says nothing. Mercifully, the receptionist has her back turned, filing away and fails to notice them.

Parked as close as possible to the door, Castiel returns to his car and lays Demon down on the back seat. Quickly he speeds out of the car park and heads for the woods.

* * *

Darkness has fallen by the time Castiel retrieves a shovel from the boot of his car and carries Demon through the woods. It's a long walk, especially with such a load, but he reminds himself it'll be worth it when he has Demon back. And it will work, he believes it. His father told him the stories, named names of local figures who supposedly came back from the dead. It simply must work.

He reaches the spot where pets are usually a buried, a small clearing with a shoddily made sign reading 'Pet Sematary' and large rocks marking graves. But he doesn't stop there, he continues on for another twenty or so minutes until he finds the spot.

He knows he's reached right grounds immediately, not even by sight, there's a feeling in the air that tells him it's the place. There's a strange, unwelcoming atmosphere and an unnatural iciness to the air.

Whatever it is, it doesn't deter him. He lays Demon on the ground and gets to work with his shovel. Backbreaking work, but it'll all be worth it when he has Demon back. Tomorrow they'll wake up and things will have gone back to normal.

Occasionally throughout the dig, Castiel turns his head back as if to check on Demon. He knows logically that the dog will not have moved, but Demon doesn't feel gone to him yet, and soon he won't be again.

It takes a long time for one tired man to dig a grave big enough for a dog as large as Demon, but he gets the job done eventually. It feels wrong, almost like a betrayal to cover Demon with mud. Castiel whispers his apologies and promises to see him soon.

Castiel makes the long trek out of the woods, and when he reaches home, pure exhaustion wins out over nerves, and he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

* * *

Castiel wakes to sounds of scratches at his door. He can hear a dog growling all the way from his room and it only gets louder as he reaches the front of the apartment. Hurriedly he undoes the lock, and there, standing in the threshold, is Demon covered tip to tail in mud. Castiel falls to his knees and throws his arms around him. The dog smells like death and decay, and if he weren't so overjoyed he'd recoil at the reek of him, but emotions override that sense.

Demon barks at the touch and snaps at Castiel's hands. When Castiel backs away, Demon remains taut, defending his territory. He's not the same dog, not in spirit anyway, but Castiel decides it's only natural and Demon will be back to himself in no time. After all, this experience was hard enough on him, he can only imagine how traumatic it's been for Demon.

Over the next few weeks, Demon lives like a stray in Castiel's home. No longer man's best friend, the dog comes and goes as he pleases. Untamed and unloving, he barks and bites at any interaction, even scratching Castiel badly when he tried to put him on a leash. The dog is living up to his name.

When Castiel wakes in the mornings, he often finds the remnants of Demon's self-caught dinner. He has to be sure not to walk around barefoot lest he step in the blood or guts of small animals. The neighbourhood has been covered with flyers for missing cats, and Castiel has to push down the feeling of guilt every time he sees one. He's been double checking the locks on all his doors and windows, but Demon still manages to get out at night.

Castiel hates to say it, but maybe Demon would've been better off staying dead.

* * *

It's happened again. He's lost someone else. Lysander and a speeding car, right in front of the school. The paramedics couldn't do anything, he was dead before they even arrived. He didn't need a doctor or a professional to tell him he was gone, all of them present that day watched Lysander's life slip away.

Castiel's never felt a hurt like this. It's like a knife in his gut that twists deeper with every breath. How could this be happening? How? How is he meant to live with this grief, this wound that never stops bleeding?

He shouldn't even consider it but he's reminded again of that legend his father shared with him. It didn't work with Demon, but maybe he did something wrong? Maybe it only works with people? He tries to push the thought from his mind, to ignore it, but eventually he finds himself in the morgue wheeling Lysander's corpse out the fire exit.

Again Castiel makes the same long trek through the woods, past the sematary and into the clearing. The journey takes longer this time; Lysander weighs more than a dog, but Castiel is determined and fights through tiredness to give Lys a second chance.

When he gets to the spot he sees the empty hole where Demon once lay and the prints leading out of it. As he tired as he is, Castiel doesn't reuse Demon's grave. If the process didn't work with Demon, he doesn't want to taint Lysander's chances by putting him in the there. So he begins the exhausting work of burying his best friend.

Six foot deep he lays Lysander's body, promising him it'll be alright, before covering him with soil and leaving him for the night.

When Castiel gets home he does not sleep. Physically he's shattered and needs to rest, but mentally he can't switch off. He doesn't want to switch off, he wants to be awake for when Lysander arrives, he even leaves the door unlocked so he can get in. He sits up in the sitting room with a glass of whiskey to steady his nerves and waits.

Castiel must have fallen asleep at some point during the night because he awakes to sunlight filtering through the window and to the sound of footsteps approaching the door. Castiel jumps to his feet, knocking the cushions from the couch, and waits in the hallway, watching the door. The sound of each step rings loudly in Castiel's head and he struggles to swallow the lump growing in his throat.

The door slowly opens and there stands Lysander, dripping wet, covered in mud, and with a terrifying look of emptiness in his eyes. Lysander walks inside with an unnatural gait and an unnerving smile. Lysander stinks of decay and there's still blood from his accident caking his hair.

The room is silent. Castiel doesn't know what to say and Demon isn't around to bark.

Lysander steps inside further and leaves a ripped dog collar on the counter. "Hello, Castiel."

Castiel breath hitches, unable to answer. Oh God, what has Lysander done? What has _he_ done?


End file.
